I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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