I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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