Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
