What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
