I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
