I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
