I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
