Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my poor anus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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