I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
