I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
