my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
