my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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