Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
