He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize