I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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