After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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