I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
