I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
