oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
