I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry my hands just texted you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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