even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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