Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Soap is not a condiment
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
