yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
