I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
