I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
