When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
pop tarts are not kleenex
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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