i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have started to decorate penises.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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