probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
