either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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