I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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