Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
