WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Two words: nipple clamps
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