I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
