Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
