I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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