he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
