Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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