If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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