and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
