He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
