god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
