Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
