After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize