So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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