Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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