I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
