oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
