Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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