We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How's work?
Spinning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
