Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
