I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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