Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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