Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They took my balls.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
