I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
