I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
