My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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