My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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