I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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