hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
