Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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