I heard we made out
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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