Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
