I am puke
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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