Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
