We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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