why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I will pee on everything he values.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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