I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
