...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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