How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
