Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
