Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
