I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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