if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize