I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
