i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
