well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
