Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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