why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
