so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
