Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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