Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
