Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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