Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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