just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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