we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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