Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize