my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
