Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
