Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
