literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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