My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
