she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
