Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
