You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
