He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
