i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
