Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
