I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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