ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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