do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
