They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
