listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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