you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
