nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize